392

392.

I had a revelation at the last session of The Truth Project. Things were bugging me and annoying me and just plain bothering my conscience. What am I doing with my life? Am I raising my kids in such a way so that they can recognize and pursue and be excited about God's purpose for their lives? Am I sharing the Good News with the people God is putting in my life? Am I missing out on my children's childhoods because of a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, yet successful career? And what about my husband? The house is cluttered and disorganized and we all feel the stress a disorderly house emits. And back to the career I've built for the last 16 years...what kind of a witness am I when I'm on the edge 80% of the time? (Answer key at the end of this post...)

Anyway, at the last session of the Truth Project, I had time to reflect as I visited with a friend whom I greatly admire and some awesome teenagers. Two days later it was definitely a Monday of all Mondays. All meetings. All problems. All stress. No R-O-L-A-I-D-S for me -- no relief. But lest this sound like a poor-me tale; that's the way Monday was for many of my closest team members. We were all in it together -- like how a ship sinks in shark infested waters and you are all 'in it' together with no ability whatsoever to help yourself or others. Except, I should be able to help others even when the only thing I can physically cling to is a piece of driftwood. Because I have Christ; that's something. That's everything. And yet I so regularly fail to provide the helpline. If I'm going to make such a huge time commitment away from my family, I should at least see it for what it is - an opportunity to show God's love to my coworkers. What a missed opportunity if I'm completely miserable most of the time.

Successful, miserable job. In a nutshell, a lot of us have the workload of 3 people. But who cares? I realize I'm lucky to have a job - except that maybe having this job isn't what God wants for me. There's a reason I've been experiencing so much misery for the last 3 years. Yes, one reason is accepting a promotion a mother of three and wife should never have accepted. Yes, one reason is the overwhelming demands a 'fanatical' organization places on it's management team. Is one reason also that God doesn't want this to work...that he wants me to go home?

Sometimes I think I know God well enough to read His mind. Funny. This isn't one of those times but on Monday after a very frustrating meeting I asked myself, How many days until March 1, 2011? Answer: 392.

What you should also know is that my husband and I have been semi-casually/semi-seriously working the Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover Baby Steps. Early versions of the 2010-2011 budget forecasts (I'm the nerd) included funding all remaining home repair projects - roof, decks, dishwasher and new furniture. Looking back at those forecasts now, I think there were some flaws. The "Dream Home" Step definitely isn't 2.5. Using the former forecasts, I 'had' to work through 2011 to fund all of this stuff. Another hill has been climbed - we don't have to, and probably shouldn't, do the Dream Home step right now.

Oh, yeah, did I tell you I've been applying for jobs for five months. I realize there are a lot of people looking for work out there and I don't expect to have employers falling at my feet. But really? One interview in 5 months out of more than 50 applications...something's fishy. Maybe there's a reason I'm getting no where fast with this job search.

So, I can't leave my job and my job isn't getting any more manageable. So now what? 392

392 means there's a way out. I'm not talking about running away from my 'troubles'. But maybe my reliance on this job is the trouble. 392 is a light at the end of the tunnel - work until 3/1/11 so we finish whatever is 'critical' in the forecast. And God has all the power and right to change 392 into 23, 87 or 443. But until I hear differently, I'm sticking with 392. Oh, it's 391 today.


Answer key: 1. A bit of this, a little of that. 2. Not Sure. 3. Sometimes 4. Probably 5. huh? 6. A terrible one